


this city screams your name

by VanityRuins



Series: no more what ifs [1]
Category: Persona 5, Persona 5 Royal
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, both of these boys need a good hug tbh, heavy persona 5 royal spoilers, it says character death but he isn't dead if you know what i mean, mentions of other phantom thieves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-20 19:46:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21287180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanityRuins/pseuds/VanityRuins
Summary: “Do you regret being back?”A pause and then, “Well, do you?”
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira
Series: no more what ifs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538182
Comments: 6
Kudos: 122





	this city screams your name

**Author's Note:**

> I finished this game a few days ago and I needed to make this. P5R said Shuake rights.
> 
> Title comes from the song Cornelia Street.

_“We have a few technical issues. As soon as they get fixed we will proceed to leave the terminal. Thank you for your patience!”_

A few passengers let out loud complains as they settled into their seats. Akira ignored them, looking through the window at the multitude walking past him, all of them busy with their own routines, their own problems, their own lives.

An overwhelming feeling crawled inside his heart at the thought of leaving the city after everything the Phantom Thieves went through. It wasn’t the best way to move on but, he doubted he was going to be able to get over the whole mess, the fake realities and the constant doubt hammering his brain with questions he didn’t want to face.

At least, not alone.

Maruki’s almost miraculous presence in that taxi cab took over some of the guilt gripping with teeth and nails his soul; still, his wound kept bleeding. He dreamt about that day almost every night, he asked himself about the possibility of letting himself drop the counselor to the abyss; he asked himself if he could forgive that filthy, almost evil act and, the answer remaining was always the same.

He wasn’t _him_.

He didn’t have his strong resolution, he was only a fool playing king. He understood now the responsibilities he got himself into when he told him he wanted to fight Maruki. Akira didn’t show a glimpse of regret about his own life choices until Goro Akechi proposed him to destroy the dream reality they were living in.

He wanted to do the right thing. He wanted to face his fears, he wanted to face his judgement. He knew he didn’t deserve to live in a world where his mistakes were gone, he didn’t deserve to live alongside the only person he couldn’t save. So, he said yes and Akechi’s smirk fired up every nerve inside his body. He made him feel proud when, in reality, he was only punishing himself.

As the fight between the counselor and him arrived to its end, he managed to understand that. When his face ached from the punches the other man kept landing on him, he closed his eyes and thought it was okay. Blood fell from his mouth, he cleaned it with his gloved hand and stood up again.

That's fair.

“I didn’t deserve to live in a perfect world,” he mumbled. Morgana moved inside the bag, pushing with his paw the zipper open.

“Did you say something?” He asked.

Akira moved his head from side to side, pushing the zipper back down, just a bit, before someone found them.

He let out a pained sigh, staring back at the station and completely ignoring Morgana's know-it-all gaze upon him. He didn't have energy to talk about it, he didn't even address with him about the fact that they were missing for a few days after the fight. 

He wondered if he got caught in his own velvet room. He wondered if Akechi had one too. Questions filled his brain and he pushed them back to the basement from where they came from.

He didn't care anymore. Or, at least, for now.

His mind found a way to drift back to that winter evening and Akechi’s haunting presence in Leblanc. He sat on his regular seat and Akira wanted to make a dumb joke about how a ghost manages to sit but, his throat closed around itself. Their sights met, tears almost overflowing from his eyes as he hit the cold ground called reality.

Toneless light broke inside from the windows, it made him feel like being inside a black and white photograph. He didn't mind winter, he wished he had more blankets some nights but, he didn't care much about the change of seasons. They were unavoidable, just like this conversation he was about to have with his teammate.

If he could relate Akechi with a season, it would be summer. Akira always found a way to go through winter without catching a cold or the flu. But as soon as summer started, he always saw his defenses fall and found defeat in the simplest form. 

Right then and now, he was his summer. He was his biggest weakness and his most historic defeat.

Akechi, softly, almost whispering, said: “I’m here because this is your wish. Me being alive.” He made a long pause, measuring his words but, quickly giving up to the one, Akira thought, he wanted to say first. "I'm your dream."

And he didn’t say anything. He looked down, his whole body struggling against the need to let it all out. He was right. Every word, every pause was on point. Guilt charged inside his stomach; how selfish. How stupid.

“And now, I have to disappear. Again.”

Akira’s shoulders shuddered at the mere thought of having to lose him twice. He silently cursed to the stars they were born under; destiny loved to see them be miserable.

“I remember everything. I knew it all this time,” Akechi confessed, “that’s why I came to you as I am. I wanted to see if you remembered too. I never expected you to let me join you one more time.” He looked back up to Akechi, who played nervously with his gloves. Honesty came from every word, it was a rare occasion Akira couldn’t believe he was experiencing.

“And now I notice, you didn’t remember anything at all. You thought this was real even though you saw alongside Sumire and I that everyone had a dream reality.”

Silence fell upon them.

Neither wanted to face the other. One of them consumed by the flames of realization that he was living inside a fake world created by his own guilt, and the other too busy overthinking every line his heart poured out without thinking twice.

Leblanc turned colder than the weather outside as they felt they were being pulled apart despite being centimeters away from the other. Akechi’s orangish coat looked too real to be made by Akira’s cognitive world as much as his hair, that long and pretty hair he liked to watch swing with the wind, and his skin; it felt too smooth when their hands accidentally collided that evening after fighting on Mementos. Everything about him seemed to be too real. He looked like if he were… alive.

Both of their phones buzzed at the same time, startling them and dissipating the uncomfortable situation only by a few seconds.

Ryuji invited them to have dinner at his place, his mom offered to make one of her special dishes. Everyone started to reply. Akira put down his phone against the counter, ignoring the occasional buzzing.

“What are we going to tell them?” He mumbled, two fingers pinched and twisted his hair nervously.

“We? May I remind you you’re still our leader, _leader_.” His sarcastic tone almost made Akira smile. He didn’t want him to be gone not now or ever.

“You’re involved in this too.”

Akechi made his ‘pensive Akechi pose’ as his feet tapped against air. Akira took his place in front of him, sitting in one of the benches while trying to put his mind to work. They needed a plan, an escape route, a fight strategy, a treasure route.

He sighed, it felt pointless. He wanted to be left alone and cry until he passed out. He wasn’t in jail but, he felt trapped in a cell without bars. He wondered if there was another choice, not one that involved destroying Maruki's illusion or living inside it but, he knew the answer before even trying to address it with Igor or Lavenza.

The power to create a perfect world, the power to grant someone their biggest wish used for good could be the cruelest weapon.

“What do you want?” Akechi asked him, pulling him out of his thoughts. So many things, Akira wanted to reply; you in my life, you being my teammate, my partner. _You_, mostly.

“To change my answer." He lied, a sarcastic laugh escaping from his lips. “But, as long as you are okay with this being known, I am too.”

Akechi rolled his eyes.

“This is the right thing to do.” His teammate reminded him, still his voice said otherwise.

He couldn't even comprehend how Akechi felt at that moment. Fighting against the illusion meant he was going to disappear too. It was a dramatic, honorable way to die; it was the only fair choice. He would pass out as the hero who stood against the villain and his own existence to bring justice to the world.

He hated that concept of justice as much as Akechi loved it. 

“Then…” Akira paused, “can we keep this a secret?”

Something you and I share besides our twisted fate, he thought. Can your justice pass only this request I'm making?

He didn’t want them to know Akechi was his dream, everything he wanted to save but, in the end, he couldn’t. He only wanted to share that intimate truth with him.

As they faced the others with their own wishes becoming real, Akira learnt many new things from his friends. How Ann wished for Shiho's to never experience Kamoshida's abuse, how long Yusuke craved for Madarame to be the father he wanted to have, Morgana and his craving for being human. Futaba and her mom. And the rest of them.

They saw all of that, they made them wake up from that dream like if they had any right to do it. Like if Sumire, Akechi or even himself were above them all when, in reality, they also had their own fake world going on at the same time.

He didn't want his friends to look inside his heart, not because he didn't trust them. Not at all. It is because he needed to deal with his grief, regrets and unaccomplished yearning all by himself.

Akechi was the only person allowed to be there with him because he owed him. He owed him so much after bringing him back for his own selfish needs.

“That’s fair.” Akechi nodded, he stood up but didn’t face the door yet, he looked like he wanted to say something. His right leg bounced frenetically making Akira feel nervous.

“I-”

“No.” Akechi interrupted him. “I know you don’t want them to know because it would demoralize the team knowing I'm not even real. That’s a perfect argument."

He pointed at his face. "Don’t you dare to give me another.”

“That’s not the truth and you know it.”

“We know but, that’s your explanation when… everything’s over.” Akechi took two steps closer to him, making Akira sit still, wary of the change of proximity.

He placed a gloved hand on Akira’s shoulder but, he didn't say anything. His eyes contorted with the emotions he never saw before, not even when they were sparring. He needed to understand what was he thinking but, Akechi was a puzzle he couldn't finish. Always missing a piece, always changing its form. He had many faces, it was hard to figure out his real one.

“Akechi?" Akira's voice trembled. He probably sounded like a scared mouse instead of a strong leader.

“Hm?”

“Do you regret being back?”

A pause and then, “Well, do you?”

Akira stood up making the other move back but, not for long. He pulled him against his body, hugging him really tight. The expression 'like if it was the last time’ felt too fitting for them right then.

Akira’s fingers gripped Akechi’s coat as his face sinked against his shoulder. The other stood there, shocked for the sudden movement but, he didn’t rejected it at all. In fact, Akira’s heart skipped a beat when he felt Akechi pressing him closer.

He felt too warm to be fake. He tried to convince himself to change his choice but, truth be told, that was easy. Convincing Akechi to ignore the whole deal when his sense of justice was the only compass he had since Shido disappeared from his life; that was going to be impossible.

The coldness around Leblanc turned into spring warm. Both boys stood there, protected by the other's embrace as their hearts bumped in unison against their ribs.

Akira looked up first, as Akechi followed. Their eyes expressed more than those meaningless riddles they used against the other every time they opened their mouths. Akechi's hand strongly gripped Akira's hair, making him come closer until their lips pressed against the other.

Their kiss was rough, everything about their bond could be described by it. Akira held Akechi's wrist as he kissed back, he translated every word the other tried to say as he tried to take control but, Akechi bit him hard.

_I hate you_. 

Akira smiled against Akechi's lips. He wanted to pull apart and tell him he didn't. He didn't hate him in fact, he was as messed up as he was about it. That was one more secret to the list. Both had the biggest crush in history for the other despite their differences, their fights and past experiences.

It only helped them solidify their affection.

Akechi softened his grip on Akira's hair as the other cupped his cheek, fingers slipping behind his neck as his thumb caressed him. Akira felt him shiver against him, their mouths opening at the same time; deepening the kiss.

Talking about love, affection, yearning never came easy for any of them. Akira loved his friends and, of course, Akechi had a place on that list but, there were different types of love and he couldn't fool himself into thinking this was the kind of love you feel for a friend. He never wanted to address it, not even after that evening in Mementos, not even after their phone calls and their meetings while playing billar. 

Akechi sided his head, allowing him to kiss him easily. Akira's glasses got in the way and, he knew that if he weren't overwhelming the other boy with his touches and careful movements, he would have already tossed them across the room.

Both sighed against the other lips, Akechi threw his arms around Akira's neck. Pushing him even closer.

_I don't want to leave_.

Then stay, he thought. He wanted to ask him to stay, to throw his high and pure justice aside for this. For them. For whatever they had.

Akira kissed him slowly and, for a few seconds, Akechi let him. He knew he wasn't going to convince him but, he tried anyway. He felt Akechi's fingers slip down his arm until he tangled them with his own. Their hands pressed together.

_ I'll follow you until the end._

He concluded.

And as much as Akira hated to admit, he always got the last word. The kiss lasted a few more seconds, it wasn’t enough but it was a small proof of how he couldn’t ever regret having him back.

"That's my answer." Akira whispered against his lips.

Akechi didn't smile, he took two steps back and nodded. Something inside Akira craved for another touch, maybe a longer hug, maybe this time he could put his arms around his waist but, he knew how Akechi felt about closeness. He didn't want to push his luck.

He saw him leave Leblanc without another word. Later that night, tears fell from his eyes as he texted the Thieves about an emergency meeting for next day.

There was no turning back.

_"We apologize for the delay. The issue has been fixed. We will leave the station in a minute. Thank you for your patience!"_

Akira settled into his seat, untying the knot on his throat with different thoughts. Next to him, inside his bag, Morgana stopped moving which meant he fell asleep. A grin crossed his face as he wandered about their bond, their adventures and their inseparable friendship.

As his mind rambled about friends, memories and all that stuff, his phone buzzed. Ann and Ryuji already planned visiting him for next weekend, the rest joined then about buying the tickets until Futaba suggested helping him to pay for his own since buying more than six tickets would be too expensive.

Akira saw their messages pop-up on his phone before putting it back down. He was leaving and they already wanted him back. There was this thing about being the leader of a group like them, a thing about not being able to have your guard down. Not being able to show you're not okay because it would demoralize them; like Akechi said. He knew that staying would help him more than leaving but, he needed to walk away at least for a while.

Just for this time, besides the people he loved, Akira felt that the city didn't offer him more than bad memories. It only whispered his name, it only showed him flashes of what they could have been, of their wasted love and lonely nights.

His phone buzzed again. Futaba asked him privately if he was okay about visiting them next weekend. Akira couldn't hide a smile, she was always so caring to the point of making him want to cook her all the curry in the world.

He was about to reply when the train started moving, leaving the station as he saw people passing by. He was seeing without paying attention, observing the crowd until someone caught his attention; Akira's heart contorted inside his chest.

It couldn't be.

He pressed his face against the glass and almost ran out of the train. Dozen of thoughts crossed his mind, he was about to wake Morgana up until he remembered his own words. 

"A secret." He whispered at the image across the station. A smile formed on his lips, centering on the tiny details about his clothes. 

Black gloves carried a suitcase he knew too well, those familiar clothes that reminded him of their first meeting. The first time he held his hand. The first time he understood the word fate.

It could be. After seeing all, there was no reason to think this was another illusion. The sun blinded him but not as much as the boy he was staring at from behind the window as he allowed the image to find a place inside his heart.

And as the train station vanished behind him he found peace, he picked up his phone and told his friends he wanted to see them next weekend too.

**Author's Note:**

> Probably going to make this a series. I want to write more about their dates and what happens after the ending.


End file.
